Too good to indulge.
I woke quite early as is normal on Saturday morning, I hadn’t slept for more than 5 hours, again, normal, but the difference was, and an important difference was that it was my second night of not taking a sleeping pill which I’ve done for…. 30 years, so not feeling exhausted was a really good feeling. All morning I felt stronger and more stable in every way, my movement was still limited of course but I wasn’t totally exhausted after negotiating my way to the bathroom and back. The change happened minutes, literally minutes after eating my lunch, sweet potato fries which are so nice, but I also had a gluten free lasagne which in the past has been fine, in previous months the changes have been minimal. I think because my body has been making such fantastic improvements of late, the effects of the tomato in the lasagne were so radical this time, I was feeling great, yes great one minute then while transitioning to the bathroom I changed, it was so frightening to experience. It was as if all my inner strength was sucked out of me in a two minute period. With great difficulty I made it to my bed and just rested for a few hours, I had more water with Bragg Apple cider vinegar and meditated for a few hours. When I made my way back to the living room at 3.30 I was back to my early morning condition and stayed that way for the rest of the day. My body, my inner workings know what’s good and responds accordingly, regardless of what the voice in my head tells me what’s okay in small doses or what I have to do because that’s what I’ve always done. Saturday was a day of realisation, no more sleeping pills and no more tomato regardless of how little there is. I’m feeling too good to indulge in things that only have nice immediate and very short term pleasures..