Same old, same old.
Last night while in bed after I’d watched a bit of tv and read for an hour I started to think about my life, what it was and what it is now, obviously there’s a massive difference between the two. Before 2004 I was a very physically active man, skydiving, hang gliding, scuba diving, mountain biking, rock climbing and flying small aircraft, I also ran several times each week and was a regular in the gym. I had been reasonably successful in I.T. sales before moving to America in 2002 for 11years. After 2004 the physically active side of my life ended and in 2011 I had to stop working, 18 months later Ih returned to England as I seriously needed help to function daily.
Big change, now there’s no running or any physical activity, now it’s get up, bathe, supplements, carer, lunch, bed for three hours, up again, read, watch tv then back in bed by 7p.m..
Not an interesting life, a day is a day, it’s very much same old, same old….or is it….
I think from most people’s point of view what was compared to what is would probably seem extremely boring, but from my point of view it’s not….
Forget about what was because I’m blessed that I have some incredible memories, I’ve been to more countries and have done more things so far that probably 95% of people in the world will ever do. Since September last year when I started the ABP I’ve experienced significant improvements in my health. Multiple Sclerosis is considered to be an incurable disease, I’ve had it for 14 years, officially, I’m 62 and counting, by rights as the disease gets a firmer grip and as I get older I should be in a worse condition daily….. according to them…. them being the non believers or the medical professionals…. ha!!!! I’m not getting worse, I’m getting better.
I open my eyes in the morning and in my head shout Yes….another day to kick it’s butt, another day to move forward, it might be an inch up the mountain, but hey.. it’s an inch up…according to the world of traditional medicine I should be in deep do,do’s..
Yes 95% of my day is the same as my yesterday’s but that 5% is the part that matters and there’s a very selfish side to me, the side that says “I want my life back” and nothing is going to stop me.
Should I.
Should I be disappointed….. . Should I be angry…. .. Should I feel sorry for myself… .. I live alone, I am on my own 23 hours each day, it’s easy to spend a lot of time thinking, reflecting and remembering better times and when I do I think about things like skydiving and riding fast motor-bikes. There are many, many things I’ve done as an ex-adrenalin junkie that most sane people wouldn’t even consider, but those things were a major part of my life and unlikely to happen again. I’m not a young man anymore, sadly, I know that against all odds I will get my health back, regardless of what every neurologist, doctor, nurse and health practitioner has said, I would love to have them all in a room a few years from now and see their faces when I walk in saying….. nah na, na nah na…. As it stands I am definitely better in so many ways even if I do fall occasionally, the odd fall and stumble have happened because I’ve felt confident and tried to move as a healthy person would, so in some ways it’s been my own stupid fault. As I’ve taken advice and used my common sense, I’ll do my very best to take more care and as has been pointed out in a very caring way, to listen to my body and let it dictate the speed of renewal.
So to answer the three questions above… the answer is No 100%.. but should I be proud of myself, hell yeah…
Looks like I was right.
Monday, and even though it was the sixth day after the terrible Tuesday last week, hmm that could be a documented day “Terrible Tuesday”, maybe not, today was actually a good day, I did rest but a little later than before and for less time. I sort of knew it would be a better day as soon as I got up and throughout the morning I felt more stable. Anyway it’s been about 55 hours since I had the “Eat Natural” protein bar which I’ve been having everyday for the last month. I’d originally looked at the ingredients and because it was touted as all natural healthy ingredients with no added sugar, “dipstick me” assumed it was okay and having 12 grams of protein had to be good. You know what they say about “to assume” well it’s true as in it made an”Ass out of U and Me”. So after careful investigation I saw that even though there was no added sugar the bar still had 16 grams in. So I had my last at 1 o’clock in the afternoon on Saturday, I think it’ll take a few more days before the negative effects will stop causing a major problem but after such a long time of having them daily it’s going to be a long time to completely eliminate.
It’s really good to feel as I do and far better than the initial taste and long term problems created by eating them, small steps.
Die off.
As I’ve started this new phase of my life, I keep reminding myself that the changes I’m making will provoke the bad just as quickly or even quicker than the good… what I mean is as I’m changing my diet and a couple of supplemental additions and subtractions the organs in my body start to function differently, mainly because the functionality has been radically impaired over the years, and I do mean years, literally. So as one organ is limited another tries to help can’t do exactly the same because it’s totally different in its composition but the body as a whole makes or tries to make compensation in one way or another. Like when you have bursitis in your shoulder and can’t raise your arm, you automatically adjust by tilting your body and going up on your toes to reach what normally would’ve been easy before. So getting back to the changes, the good part is it’s trying to replace the damaged cells with healthy ones which in itself sounds good. The problem is the bad has to go somewhere before it’s eventually emitted from the body, during this transitional phase it passes through filter organs such as Liver, Kidney s, Heart and Brain. The fact is this temporary transitional phase creates problems, this can be referred to as Die Off….. that’s happening now, it’s temporary, I’ve got to feel worse before I feel better.
Me talking to myself… be strong Stefan, now it’s time to not just “Talk the talk” now I have to Walk the Walk.
Another phase.
In the time I’ve been alive and I’m in my sixth decade now I feel I’ve in the main been very lucky, I mean who in their whole life gets to travel to more than twenty countries around the world, I have. The sports or pastimes or whatever you chose to call them have been amazing, some would refer to them as thrill seeking things such as Skydiving and Hang gliding, I did a fair bit of both. As a pilot, admittedly it was only small planes like the Cessna 208 but it was exciting although not as butt clenching as when I was learning to fly a helicopter, I ran out of money before I got my rotor license. I think the most scared I’ve been was as a SCUBA diver, that stands for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus…. had one or two fairly desperate dives, but I survived. In my teens through to late thirties I was a rock climber and there was rarely a week went by that I couldn’t be seen wearing the multi coloured lycra gear while on my mountain bike. You can add several really fast, as in 150 mph and 0 to 60 in under 3 seconds motorbikes, so I’ve probably done more than most especially when you consider living in Colorado for 11 years.
I came back nearly five years ago because of this disease, multiple sclerosis is quite a hideous bugger to cope with, but unlike the millions around the world that suffer with it, I will beat it, I will be symptom free and get back to the life I once had. This has been a horrible 13 plus years but at the end of the day it’s just another phase of my life.
Quite frightening…
In the past I’ve written about how optimistic I am and how positive I feel because of the supplement I’d started taking and the changes it was provoking in my mind, to a certain extent as I’ve said before, a part of that was to inspire and motivate myself. I mean, think about it, here’s me with a disease the medical professionals around the world are claiming is incurable. So there’s little old me, living alone constantly saying I will somehow beat this with no medical resources and living on disability benefits… hah…. So how on earth am I supposed to do that…. I’ve been quite strong with myself mentally, I’ve tried to remain focussed on the nutritional side, not eating crap and meticulously taking natural supplements.
Well about a week ago a dear friend of mine in Wisconsin in the U.S. sent a link to a wonderful natural health practitioner and nutritionist that mysteriously died, I say mysteriously but we all know she had been killed…. hmmmm I wonder who or what could have benefited from her death, I not saying it was big Pharma but… anyway she had written several books all about natural health, one particular book had been written after she cured, yes cured herself of multiple sclerosis. I read all 5656 pages and have been following her advice on how she changed her life. Now it’s still only been a few days but this is actually frightening me, not because of anything bad, on the contrary, I’m already noticing very small, subtle improvements and I’m trying hard to restrict my enthusiasm but I absolutely, honestly believe that this is going to work.
Another paragraph from her book, something I’ve always known but never truly understood, this explanation along with many others, will I’m sure make the difference between me believing and me absolutely knowing what needs to be and will be done in the incredible process of my healing.
When examining our thoughts, we need to also look at our emotions and how the two work together. Thoughts feed emotions, and emotions feed thoughts. The two are inseparable, and if they are negatively based, they will create a vicious cycle that affects your health. Most negative emotions are based on fear. If you examine emotions such as shame, anger, guilt, jealousy, rejection, and blame, you will likely find that fear is at the root of them. Unfortunately, throughout our lives we have often suppressed uncomfortable or painful emotions, though we still carry them around in the present as what many call “emotional baggage.”The body has a cellular memory, and it retains this unresolved information. Over time, holding onto fear-based emotions, such as guilt or rage, will weaken your body. Therefore, it’s important for you to feel these emotions and then let them go.
Last man standing.
At the end of the day, some will have fallen, not a complaint or criticism just a fact, the enemy is extremely powerful, they don’t take prisoners, you can give in, wave a white flag and plead for mercy but those merciless, ruthless bastards, excuse me…but no other description fits, they don’t give a crap, it’s a case of kill at any cost… So the options for those unlucky enough to get trapped in their sticky spiders web is stop wriggling, stop trying to get free and die…… or….or…be a pain in the ass, keep trying to free yourself, don’t give up. The attitude of most people is to be the former, to accept that it’s impossible, that the sticky web wrapped around your limbs while you are desperately trying to walk up an escalator that’s going down is just too much. I can see that to 99.9% of people that giving up is the logical choice, the only feasible option. Having the spiders web constantly being spun, regardless of what you do it’s there, you might manage to pull a lot off one day but guess what, when you wake the next day it’s completely covered you again. Spin all you like, do what you will, you always win by simply tiring, by exhausting, by frustrating, by demoralizing, but guess what, do what you will but it’s me,, Stefan that will be the last man standing.
Autoimmune..
It’s strange how the medical profession in the 21st century are supposedly so advanced that in their opinion are constantly discovering diseases through tireless dedicated research, weird that most are diseases that just didn’t exist fifty or a hundred years ago. I don’t know why the fail to acknowledge that it isn’t their dedicated research it’s because they just weren’t around and it’s really the fault of the toxic preservatives, GMO’s and herbicides, pesticides and other crap sprayed on to crops and plants. Only 30 years ago the chance of a child being born with autism was 1 in 10,000 it’s steadily increased to around 1 in 10….hmmm I wonder why, it’s not hereditary so maybe it’s because of what’s being put into us. Also the “silver” filling so many people had are not silver. Yes the are silver coloured, an amalgam filling, not the resin ones, before 1976 were 52% mercury, then zinc. copper, tin and 8 to 10% silver. After 1976 they became the high copper amalgam which was mercury, copper and silver in equal portions, I have to point out that mercury is the most toxin non radioactive substance on earth. The food, vaccines, farming and dentistry have all been responsible for the sickening rise in disease in the western world and so many of these diseases are classed as autoimmune. The doctors tell you that autoimmune means that your body is attacking itself, what they really mean is that they have no freaking idea.
During my surgeries on both days I had 25g’s and 50g’s of intravenous Vitamin C, this made a massive difference to my potential healing. I have to point out that this was given over a 3.5 and 4.5 hr period, the Vitamin C is essential and has to be given over at least this time or the body will not absorb it.
You want to, I can tell you do, ok then but not too much..