Convincing.
In the almost nine months that I’ve been ever so lucky to be on the Ann Boroch Protocol, there have been a multitude of changes, the first six weeks or so there seemed to be more bad days, horrible days when I wanted to quit but didn’t obviously that book ended occasional good days. Those bad days were bad, really bad actually, but fortunately for me I can be a “stubborn scouse git”…
In order to succeed, and I’m well on the way, a long way to go still but as I said I’m well on the way, I believe that me and you, yes you reading this now that’s less than two weeks in, you have to believe that tiny little voice in your head whispering that it’s being held prisoner by the most evil guard that will poke and torment you for the rest of what will be a miserable life unless you and no one else saves you.
So it’s up to you… you have a choice to make… you can either be the whimpering poodle whining in the kennel or… or you can be the wolf barring its teeth with its hackles up defying anyone to try to knock you down..It’s not going to be easy but you have to be strong and be convincing to that poodle, take a deep breath, stock up on courage… trust me, trust Janet, trust Ann Boroch, it’s well worth it.
Never going to happen..
The way I see things, is that yes of course I’m almost 63.. sixty freaking three!!!!! I can remember when I was a young man in the army, I thought of myself as being made of steel and able to jump over small buildings, okay maybe not like Superman really but I had that teenage bravado that made me think I was indestructible. And here I am… sixty two and 9 months…….still feels weird saying that…I was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 48 and a bit, meaning I’ve had this hideous shitbag of a disease…. excuse me.. for almost 15 years and apart from the last 4 years of marriage and a year with a girlfriend several years ago, I’ve been on my own. In some ways that’s made me stronger and better able to deal with it.. Yes I know I’m doing the typical Stefan thing and digressing……. so yes, 63, living alone with multiple sclerosis, but….. but, I don’t see myself in that way…I don’t think of myself as a sick old geezer trying desperately to get up a steep hill… oh no… I’m Stefan the skydiving adrenaline junkie that’s just put my life on hold, I’ve simply hit the pause button until I’ve got all the good things back in place, all sorted so I can hit the resume play button and get back to living…
Okay yes I’m an optimist, I have to be because I cannot accept defeat to the evil bad guy that crept in and started squatting in my body…I know I will succeed, I’ll kick the unwanted guest firmly between the legs and laugh as he doubles over and falls out of my place, of that there is no doubt…still a way to go yet obviously, but It’s simple, I haven’t failed until I quit trying, and that’s never going to happen.
Is it just me?
Everyday I see and hear commercials and ads on the TV, radio, magazines and the internet, all promoting foods, drinks and OTC drugs, all purporting to be healthy or tasty and certainly not harmful. Seeing these ads etc is actually offensive to me, they’re insulting and insinuating that I’m an idiot or at least someone that believes all the crap they’re saying.
Surely people aren’t that numb, surely the blatant lies are obvious to everyone or is it just me!!!! The ads promoting yoghurts from various suppliers, Muller being the last I saw today incorporating sports personalities and prominent athletes that their yoghurt is good because it’s fat free… tasty yes of course but healthy and good for you… Not a chance.
The adverts for indigestion pills get me, the last one I saw had a woman stating she was fed up of having indigestion and heartburn so was “taking control”…and having Nexium, a once a day pill that provided 24hrs relief…. hold on, hold on!!!! taking a drug that masks the symptom caused by you eating foods that are harmful to your body is Not Taking Control.. It’s brainwashing you into eating crap that is damaging your internal organs. Think about it, if the food or drink gives you indigestion, do you think it’s good and its just you that isn’t functioning properly….. try this little test… pour a little Coke or Pepsi in a glass, then drop a coin in and watch as it completely cleans it, it’s burning off all fats and grease and dirt, now think…. what’s it doing to your organs, blood, glands and enzymes etc.
Take control….. that doesn’t mean taking carcinogenic, damaging foods and drugs, it means think… use your common sense and don’t be a slave to your taste buds.
One of three.
Having multiple sclerosis is a pig.. it transforms a healthy person into someone completely different, the transformation means the person is unrecognizable to themself, obviously other sufferers may not have been as physically active as me, but it’s equally as dramatic for them as it is to me.
Mine is no worse than it is to anyone else, I’m not suggesting I’m in a worse or harder position, we’re all fighting a battle, one I force myself daily to face and challenge with confidence and strength.
In the main I honestly believe I’ve stopped the slide down that very slippery, precarious slope, fortunately for me I never took any drugs, you know, the so called medications that can ease a symptom but exacerbate the real cause, and this has helped me to plant myself firmly in the good ground so I have a genuine opportunity to heal myself, still a long way to go, but hey, I’m on the right path, helping me has been two things, first and foremost is the Ann Boroch Protocol and secondly CBD oil which I now take four times per day and I honestly believe they are working symbolically.
Ok now to the point of this post, I’ve previously written about the small subtle improvements I’m experiencing daily so to have set backs such as I did on Saturday is frustrating, actually its a pain in the ass really, so I’ve been stressing my brain cells, all five of them to work out what’s the cause. I’ve whittled it down to one of three things, the humidity, minced beef or exercise…..
Obviously it’s been quite sunny, not ridiculously hot, just nice, but it has been more humid than normal and its humidity that bothers me. I had minced beef with quinoa and eggs beaten in at lunch yesterday, I only ate half as there was a lot then rested as normal and ate the second half about 3.30..shortly after eating on both occasions I became ridiculously weak, as if what little strength I had was sucked out of me…. being able to get to my bed was ever so difficult. For the past week I’ve done more strenuous exercise than normal in the morning so any one or all three could be responsible, I might be able to work it out today and make the necessary adjustments, as I’ve been writing then read it through to make sense of it, it’s seeming like the food was probably it, although why would good quality minced beef be an issue ….. any thoughts ?…
How will it…
There have definitely been some really tough days and there will be others along this very special healing journey, of that there is no doubt, and on those previous bad days, especially in the early months, I struggled physically, but as bad as it was and trust me there have been some real doozies, days I’d fallen and whacked my noggin against the coffee table or the wall. Times I’d fallen out of bed, naked at 3 a.m. and taken 4 hours, 4 annoyingly, frustrating, exhausting hours trying to get up, badly scuffed my knees trying, then spent an hour cleaning the bloodied carpet because my half German scouser pride didn’t want to show weakness. Yes at those times I did struggle physically big time, but never for one second did I struggle mentally or doubt what I was doing…. Not for one second.. because of one thing.
What is it you say? well think about this, are you a parent or are your parents still alive, I’m so blessed because the German half of my attitude comes from having an incredible 87 yr old mum who was born in Berlin. Well think about you as a parent or in my case my mum, would you as a parent or your mum ever let something dangerous attack you, a snarling wolf or whatever, no the parent would always without a moment’s hesitation step in front, take a bullet for you, of that you are 100% certain. You see, getting better requires you…. Not anyone else , just you to believe, to feel, to absolutely know it’s happening. That’s how you have to be, it’s never a question of “How will it?” It’s always a categorical statement of “How it will”
Not easy.
Yesterday I posted that it was too easy to make adjustments, compromises or to take a break because of some justifiable reason or another, yes there are reasons as was told yesterday about Sheri’s son, please accept my apologies, your situation is very different and as I’m sure we all do, he’s in our prayers..
In my particular case, I’ve said I live alone and am lucky and very grateful to have a carer for an hour everyday to make lunch, prepare the various waters for the next day and housework etc. So I’m alone for 23 hours unless my beautiful big sister pops in, she lives 30 miles away but still makes the effort four or five times each week, I love my sister Suzie..
The mornings are best for me, I’m normally awake by 5.45 then tend to read and meditate till about 8.00. I feel good for about 4 hours until the 5 or 6 bathroom visits and getting my supplements in the kitchen wear me out. I say wear me out but what really happens is that I become totally exhausted. Manoeuvring about absolutely drains me and having the dreaded drop foot makes the effort quite dangerous for me, but the arrogant, narcissistic me refuses to give in.
In my younger years I was quite a daredevil, skydiving, scuba diving, hang gliding, mountain biking, rock climbing, plus flying small planes and riding very fast motorbikes were a major part of my life, so having multiple sclerosis has put a serious dent in who I was and what I did. It’s almost as if having multiple sclerosis is a challenge for me, this hideous and so called incurable disease to conventional doctors is daring me…. HAH, armed with the ABP and my arrogance, MS has no chance…my days are exhausting, frustrating and always a challenge….. it’s not easy, far from it but I 100% refuse to be beaten.
Too easy.
When I started this protocol nearly 9 months ago, I’d read the book and listened to advice from Janet, who in hindsight is the only one worth listening to, not family or friends or so called medical experts that in reality know diddly squat when it comes to genuine healing from multiple sclerosis. So at that time, I was how close to healing? oh yes, nowhere near, so I said to myself, “what do I have to lose”, the true answer is nothing to lose, but a life, my life to gain… For those that are healthy that don’t know, don’t truly understand what MS does, then getting life back probably sounds like a good thing but not that big a deal, for us however it’s massive, it’s everything, it’s like winning the jackpot on El Gordo…it really is. That being said, having MS and being given the option of staying sick and getting worse everyday for the next 4 years, or following a protocol and moving closer to life, what would you do. I know what my choice would be, my choice is I’m doing it, no question about it, no excuses, no variations, no, I’ll just have a break over the holidays or when I get back from… or after they go home or whatever… no freaking excuses just do it, it’s roughly 1460 days, some will be tough but most will be good, great, fantastic!!! When things are tough it’s far too easy to make excuses, but those other things are just that… things, not life, just things, look at life and put it into perspective, make a friend or relative feel good for an hour, a day or a week, or move closer to getting your life back. If on day 197 you stop, indulge, party or whatever, when you get back on track you aren’t starting back on day 198… no you are going back to day 1, I’m sorry if this seems harsh but it’s true, I tell it like it is… I honestly believe that in 1,187 days or less I’ll be healed, and that’s my priority….I
Jekyll and Hyde.
Does that seem strange!!! Well it’s like two different people that live in the physical body called Stefan, there’s the me that lived here up until February 2004, the healthy, physically active boy and man.. then all of a sudden with no warning he disappeared only to be replaced by a diseased man. So the two of us live here, tormenting each other, the healthy me of old is trying his hardest to get out again but that freaking diseased dude just won’t let go.. well he’s clinging like crazy not wanting the healthy me to get free.
There’s no doubt in the mind of either one of us that the Ann Boroch Protocol has laid an incredibly strong foundation that will support the healthy me, I firmly believe that this base and the illuminated runway will guide me home, I wasn’t impatient at all until I started to experience a speeding up of the “healing process” about a month or so ago when I increased my daily dosage of CBD oil. Of late the steady and solid daily improvements have…. sort of lit a fire in me, I’m trying to keep my enthusiasm held back. I’ve obviously budgeted for my weekly foods and supplements but not necessarily for the additional CBD oil that I strongly feel is responsible for the more rapid improvements.
As I’ve said before, I’m alone for all but an hour or two everyday, that doesn’t bother me in the slightest, but what it does do is give me a lot of time to think, to ponder about how it will feel to be healthier and capable of physical activity. So the calm, reserved and patient side of me just says, ” relax Stefan, it’ll happen when it happens”, but the other me is shouting, “get more CBD oil and heal sooner rather than later”, who wins, Jekyll or Hyde..
What was..
As I’m coming to the end of my 9th month on the Ann Boroch Protocol (ABP) and I reflect on the improvements since embarking on it, I can feel immense gratitude, initially to my friend Mary that first told me about Ann Boroch and especially to Janet Orchard who has been my guide on this journey.
When I came back to England in November 2012 after 11 years in Colorado, the symptoms had just about got the better of me, I’d become very limited in my mobility, very short distances with a cane, anything more and I was wheelchair bound.
A far cry from the skydiving, hang gliding, scuba diving, mountain biking, rock climbing pilot that I was, yes to say I was a bit of an adrenalin junkie and speed freak was quite an apt description, my last motorbike, a Yamaha FZR 1000 capable of sub 3 second zero to 60 and 155 mph top speed were good friends of mine.
In 2017 my last year eating the wrong foods I would never openly admit it then, but I was really struggling mentally, the pain, exhaustion, frustration and anguish that had become a very large part of my daily life was very close to beating me… as I said, I would never have admitted it at the time but after 13 years since official diagnosis and several before of knowing prior to that, that something was seriously wrong, I was nearly beaten.
September 2017, everything changed, the first two or three months were tough, actually the first was damn hard but probably March, April and May of this year have been good, so I’m very optimistic. I’ve so far had some incredible experiences, then sickness and many years of pain, but ALL of that, the good and bad are what was, history!!!… there are many, many good years and experiences to come… cheers!!!
Always learning.
As I’ve said on numerous occasions, I can understand that my life when looked at from anyone else’s point of view is probably very boring and mundane, I mean I wake early, normally between 5 am and 6am, I check emails, play words with friends or meditate till 8 am then get up. Obviously I have to do the supplements, water and breakfast before my carer comes in at 11.15 to do lunch and replace my drinks, all specific liquids for the following day, so yes it does look a bit boring I suppose.
However.. apart from the above, I tend to read for a couple of hours and try to get a few hours of research done, there’s always something new to know that could possibly help in my lifelong quest for health.
I’ve read Ann’s books and a couple of others by so called “experts” that occasionally have snippets of useful information, the way I see it is that the ABP is the way, of that there’s no doubt, but credible researchers are out there so the old adage “the mind is like a parachute, only works if it’s open” is apt in our situation. I know using cannabis oil was talked about, but it’s only recently that I added it to my daily regimen, thanks again Jeurgen, and by trial and error I’ve gradually increased my daily dosage to four or sometimes five half pipette’s.
I know a lot about safe dentistry, having worked for Dr Huggins for many years and I’m becoming more knowledgeable about the work of Ann Boroch, but what I know now would probably fill her little finger, I’ve a very long way to go, so my life on the face of it might look a little boring, but trust me, it’s not and I’m always learning