Being Stefan.
Obviously I spend a lot of time on my own each day and that’s not a problem, I’ve often heard people complaining on telly or read it in a book that a person is going stir crazy because they’ve been house bound for a week or whatever. It makes me laugh at how ridiculous some people are, how weak willed and selfish, how pathetic. I don’t get depressed or sad or go “stir crazy” and my situation is dramatically more difficult, frustrating, painful and just so much harder. I can’t actually walk as such anymore, I get around my flat my leaning against the wall or furniture and that’s not easy. Drop foot is when the foot just hangs from the ankle which happens to me, when I can swing my left leg forward which it doesn’t always do, my foot sometimes drags so my toes sometimes buckle under, when that happens I desperately cling to the door frame and try my best to take the weight off it and not break my toes and crash to the floor. A good day for me is getting through it uninjured and to have treated myself to sugar free chocolate.
The subtle improvements I’m noticing through the changes I’m making are just that, minor, subtle improvements, I was able to swing my left leg without my toes buckling under or I was able to get into bed with only three efforts at trying to lift my leg, oh yes and being able to sit up in bed… wow what an incredibly active life I lead.
Despite the frustration, the humiliation, the pain, the extreme fatigue and anxiety, I keep my chin up, I keep believing, I keep trying. Do you think you personally could cope for a day in my shoes, not a day but an hour. So far I’ve had to cope with the multitude of symptoms of MS and trying to get to the loo 25 times a day and the annoying ringing of tinnitus in my ears for more than 135,000 hours. But I can tell you that I know I will beat this and I’m so proud of being Stefan.