Ashamed.
Deep down I feel that there is something very special about me….. I know I have a so called incurable disease although I don’t acknowledge that title, it’s not freaking incurable to me, so there…. So I have MS and I tell myself constantly that it needs to try harder because I’m not staying on the canvas after being knocked down. But on Friday afternoon it just got to me, I’d felt good in the morning, well good for me anyway, then in the early afternoon and I don’t really understand why but I became much weaker and more unstable than earlier that day. My description of “much weaker” probably isn’t the right description to use because it was wayyyy worse than that. I’d finished in the bathroom and started to got back in the living room but my left leg just wouldn’t move. I was gripping the door frame like I was trying to throttle it because the normal motion you naturally do when you start to walk as in your upper body starts to move in the natural action. Well when this happens but your leg doesn’t move it creates a top heavy situation and I very nearly mimicked an agile circus tumbler. It probably looked funny from the outside but in my head I was petrified, I could just see my leg breaking and my face smashing into a piece of unforgiving furniture.
Well it didn’t happen and for some reason unbeknownst to me I got through the day uninjured thankfully then returned to my normal wobbly self not the ” oh crap” self. I write most days and proclaim to be more determined and committed in my quest than the average, everyday, ho hum run of the mill” person but I momentarily gave up and in all honesty I’m ashamed of myself. That’s not going to ever happen again, MS….try your best but you ain’t going to beat me…and that’s a fact..
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