Getting what “I” want is something that on a certain level seemed impossible, yes of course I try to motivate myself everyday, even when I’m exhausted to the point of being physically and mentally drained but say to myself that “I can stop and do this again tomorrow”
at the time that seems to be the “logical” thing to do, but in reality it’s not… by stopping or just not pushing myself that little bit harder is only making it easier to justify giving in now and every other day.
Prior to this morning at 4.50 a.m. I’d come out with the “sensible option”, I’d say that I was in pain…. it was just too difficult… it wasn’t possible to straighten my back and my legs… so I wouldn’t try that little bit harder which meant my goal was just a little bit further away…
What happened mentally this morning was that I told myself that I could and I would do what previously seemed impossible. Obviously there’s a difference in demanding more from my mind and pushing myself physically or having weakened and torn ligament or tendon or meniscus that regardless of what I want cannot provide the necessary support.
But the motivation and inspirational videos I watch daily aren’t enough to get past that breaking point, yes they help but in order for me to actually reach and surpass a goal needs something else. I know I managed 100 stand ups two days ago but that wasn’t strengthening the whole of my leg….legs so today it wasn’t a case of doing the stand up exercise, today I focused on genuinely “standing up” and strengthening the anterior muscles around my knees, also helping my spine. It was so difficult, almost strange to actually be “standing up straight” but I did. My first effort lasted about 5 seconds until my legs just buckled. I’d made a point of making sure that the “Rotunda” was as close to my bed as possible so collapsing just meant sitting down on it. But my 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th were all 30 seconds or more. It was so different almost weird seeing the bedroom and into my living room from a totally different perspective, it was great actually, I really feel I’ve made a massive achievement. The title of this post is “Not just motivation” and what I mean by that is that listening or reading or watching is great but that’s only part of what’s necessary to reach “the goal” the hardest and most significant thing is my own personal…
Determination