How do I cope…
At this point in time, I’m not referring to the time of day as its only 04.25 a.m., I’m referring to my life 24 hrs per day, the overall feelings that dominate my life, are Pain, that can be grouped into three sections, constant….bearable and intense… The constant part comes from just having multiple sclerosis which I’ve had for almost seventeen years, there are teenagers, adolescents and kids that have been alive for fewer years than I’ve been in pain…. frightening when you think about it. The bearable part I try to hide from others in conversation with me, I don’t want them to see it. The intense part is obviously during shorter periods, they are mainly, not only, but mainly when I first wake up early in the morning and can be associated with sciatica such as now as I’m writing, the intensity makes me grimace and stop what I’m doing, for instance the intense unbeable pain has struck 4 times while I’ve been writing the first part of this post and I’m sure will happen ten more times before I finish.
In addition to Pain is Frustration, Weakness and Anxiety…
So those four emotions and overall feelings are the dominant players in my life which in reality could very easily lead me down the road to depression and desperation.
The way I prevent that from happening is by constantly telling myself that those things are only temporary which is a difficult thing to do knowing that’s been for 25% of my whole existence.
I sleep for as little as three hours on some days, to five hours on good days, last night was horrible for me, hence a three hour sleep.
Taking off the sleep time, bathroom, then eating, it leaves as much as twenty hours or eighteen hours to fill, so I Read, Research, Write, Watch TV, play games and talk to Gaby, the love of my life…
I firmly believe by following the ABP that my body will be healed of this hideous disease, I’ve recently been incorporating something else to help the physical problems incurred by the fall in March, did I also point out that I’ve been in bed since then, no I didnt, but I have…
When you’re in bed, seeing the same walls for twenty three and a half hours everyday and only sleeping for a short time, the last thing, the very last thing I need is to cope with another person’s bad, childish attitude….. I can’t escape from it, I can’t just walk away…
I have to come to terms with it, I have to justify things, its very difficult when taking everything else into consideration…
I know, not think, not hope, I absolutely know I will heal my body, it might be after four years on the protocol, unlikely…. it might be four and a half years or five years, I’m not sure which but its definitely happening.
I also know that Gaby and I love each other and intend to marry, the pandemic and a couple of other things are preventing that for now, but they are just temporary road blocks.
So as you can see, there are many, many challenges restricting me at this time, its not easy, so how do I cope?
Distraction…