Because I will never….
At the beginning of the month, my first year anniversary of the ABP, the day I consider to be my New Years day, actually my New Life Day, I moved to a new house, that description is wrong, yes it was a new place to live but “New house” !!! Not really because it’s a 350 yr old converted barn, I’ve said that before, I know…. now after three weeks here, there have been some changes to me and I’m really, really confused about because I have up to the beginning of September been making what I’m happy to say have been really positive improvements. But since moving in I physically feel I’ve taken a step backwards. My initial thoughts were that stress was the culprit, I also ate a couple of not allowed foods, not purposely, I simply made an error in judgment, that’s been corrected, wrist firmly slapped…. and back on plan. Getting to the bathroom, a 20 times per day occurrence was….. is very difficult and seriously tiring, New furniture that looks great but soft non supportive arms makes it so awkward for me. Fortunately DFS are very kindly allowing me to change the sofas to two more appropriate ones, as they are being made to order I won’t get them for another two weeks, but I’m so grateful it’s happening.
So those things were the reason I thought that I’ve been so fatigued about 4 hours after I’ve been up and about, I’ve also been in seriously deep thought as to other possible reasons, I’ve been in my bed resting for 20 hours each day, which I’m sure you can imagine is a tad boring to say the least.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the stress of moving, the slight indulgence, the difficulty in getting around, definitely played a part in this but personally I don’t think that that is the definitive reason…. yes they affected me but I feel it’s more likely another phase of Die Off…. and as such it will pass.
It’s been challenging, exhausting, frustrating and damn well painful, but as we all know, this is a very specific journey we travel, it’s likely to be a four year adventure and probably not just that but more likely for life, so after a year of slow but steady improvements, then three weeks plus of horrible times, it has been a worrying period for me, but know this my friends…..I will achieve the beloved goal of healing…. why???? Because I’m a stubborn determined scouse git and I will never, ever give up…