Am I fooling myself.
I write most days and more often than not I talk about my positive and optimistic view on my life. There are days, not so much days but times that I don’t feel so optimistic, as I wrote the other day, my days are very much the same. I tend to feel good (for me) in the morning and for most of the day but what appears to be the norm lately is I become very weak as the day wears on.as I’m writing this it’s just after 9.00 pm Thursday and I’m thinking I have an answer to my own inner questions that have been making me feel so worried. Each day for the last three weeks I’ve been pushing myself to exercise more and harder each day. I’m totally exhausted at the end of each session and struggle to get up off the floor but I do it and then an hour later I do it again. My thinking is that the total exhaustion, and trust me when I say you have no idea how this feels, the exercise is helping but the initial effects are very debilitating and my diseased body needs much more rest to recover than it would for an ablebodied person. Unlike normal people the improvements after many days of exercising are minimal in comparison but it is there even if it’s not obvious. As each day passes and I’m constantly tired it is very demoralizing but I know if I don’t keep trying and pushing myself that this hideous disease would beat me. I am strong mentally and I’m not fooling myself, I will win.
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