Convincing.
In the almost nine months that I’ve been ever so lucky to be on the Ann Boroch Protocol, there have been a multitude of changes, the first six weeks or so there seemed to be more bad days, horrible days when I wanted to quit but didn’t obviously that book ended occasional good days. Those bad days were bad, really bad actually, but fortunately for me I can be a “stubborn scouse git”…
In order to succeed, and I’m well on the way, a long way to go still but as I said I’m well on the way, I believe that me and you, yes you reading this now that’s less than two weeks in, you have to believe that tiny little voice in your head whispering that it’s being held prisoner by the most evil guard that will poke and torment you for the rest of what will be a miserable life unless you and no one else saves you.
So it’s up to you… you have a choice to make… you can either be the whimpering poodle whining in the kennel or… or you can be the wolf barring its teeth with its hackles up defying anyone to try to knock you down..It’s not going to be easy but you have to be strong and be convincing to that poodle, take a deep breath, stock up on courage… trust me, trust Janet, trust Ann Boroch, it’s well worth it.
Never going to happen..
The way I see things, is that yes of course I’m almost 63.. sixty freaking three!!!!! I can remember when I was a young man in the army, I thought of myself as being made of steel and able to jump over small buildings, okay maybe not like Superman really but I had that teenage bravado that made me think I was indestructible. And here I am… sixty two and 9 months…….still feels weird saying that…I was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 48 and a bit, meaning I’ve had this hideous shitbag of a disease…. excuse me.. for almost 15 years and apart from the last 4 years of marriage and a year with a girlfriend several years ago, I’ve been on my own. In some ways that’s made me stronger and better able to deal with it.. Yes I know I’m doing the typical Stefan thing and digressing……. so yes, 63, living alone with multiple sclerosis, but….. but, I don’t see myself in that way…I don’t think of myself as a sick old geezer trying desperately to get up a steep hill… oh no… I’m Stefan the skydiving adrenaline junkie that’s just put my life on hold, I’ve simply hit the pause button until I’ve got all the good things back in place, all sorted so I can hit the resume play button and get back to living…
Okay yes I’m an optimist, I have to be because I cannot accept defeat to the evil bad guy that crept in and started squatting in my body…I know I will succeed, I’ll kick the unwanted guest firmly between the legs and laugh as he doubles over and falls out of my place, of that there is no doubt…still a way to go yet obviously, but It’s simple, I haven’t failed until I quit trying, and that’s never going to happen.
Is it just me?
Everyday I see and hear commercials and ads on the TV, radio, magazines and the internet, all promoting foods, drinks and OTC drugs, all purporting to be healthy or tasty and certainly not harmful. Seeing these ads etc is actually offensive to me, they’re insulting and insinuating that I’m an idiot or at least someone that believes all the crap they’re saying.
Surely people aren’t that numb, surely the blatant lies are obvious to everyone or is it just me!!!! The ads promoting yoghurts from various suppliers, Muller being the last I saw today incorporating sports personalities and prominent athletes that their yoghurt is good because it’s fat free… tasty yes of course but healthy and good for you… Not a chance.
The adverts for indigestion pills get me, the last one I saw had a woman stating she was fed up of having indigestion and heartburn so was “taking control”…and having Nexium, a once a day pill that provided 24hrs relief…. hold on, hold on!!!! taking a drug that masks the symptom caused by you eating foods that are harmful to your body is Not Taking Control.. It’s brainwashing you into eating crap that is damaging your internal organs. Think about it, if the food or drink gives you indigestion, do you think it’s good and its just you that isn’t functioning properly….. try this little test… pour a little Coke or Pepsi in a glass, then drop a coin in and watch as it completely cleans it, it’s burning off all fats and grease and dirt, now think…. what’s it doing to your organs, blood, glands and enzymes etc.
Take control….. that doesn’t mean taking carcinogenic, damaging foods and drugs, it means think… use your common sense and don’t be a slave to your taste buds.
One of three.
Having multiple sclerosis is a pig.. it transforms a healthy person into someone completely different, the transformation means the person is unrecognizable to themself, obviously other sufferers may not have been as physically active as me, but it’s equally as dramatic for them as it is to me.
Mine is no worse than it is to anyone else, I’m not suggesting I’m in a worse or harder position, we’re all fighting a battle, one I force myself daily to face and challenge with confidence and strength.
In the main I honestly believe I’ve stopped the slide down that very slippery, precarious slope, fortunately for me I never took any drugs, you know, the so called medications that can ease a symptom but exacerbate the real cause, and this has helped me to plant myself firmly in the good ground so I have a genuine opportunity to heal myself, still a long way to go, but hey, I’m on the right path, helping me has been two things, first and foremost is the Ann Boroch Protocol and secondly CBD oil which I now take four times per day and I honestly believe they are working symbolically.
Ok now to the point of this post, I’ve previously written about the small subtle improvements I’m experiencing daily so to have set backs such as I did on Saturday is frustrating, actually its a pain in the ass really, so I’ve been stressing my brain cells, all five of them to work out what’s the cause. I’ve whittled it down to one of three things, the humidity, minced beef or exercise…..
Obviously it’s been quite sunny, not ridiculously hot, just nice, but it has been more humid than normal and its humidity that bothers me. I had minced beef with quinoa and eggs beaten in at lunch yesterday, I only ate half as there was a lot then rested as normal and ate the second half about 3.30..shortly after eating on both occasions I became ridiculously weak, as if what little strength I had was sucked out of me…. being able to get to my bed was ever so difficult. For the past week I’ve done more strenuous exercise than normal in the morning so any one or all three could be responsible, I might be able to work it out today and make the necessary adjustments, as I’ve been writing then read it through to make sense of it, it’s seeming like the food was probably it, although why would good quality minced beef be an issue ….. any thoughts ?…
How will it…
There have definitely been some really tough days and there will be others along this very special healing journey, of that there is no doubt, and on those previous bad days, especially in the early months, I struggled physically, but as bad as it was and trust me there have been some real doozies, days I’d fallen and whacked my noggin against the coffee table or the wall. Times I’d fallen out of bed, naked at 3 a.m. and taken 4 hours, 4 annoyingly, frustrating, exhausting hours trying to get up, badly scuffed my knees trying, then spent an hour cleaning the bloodied carpet because my half German scouser pride didn’t want to show weakness. Yes at those times I did struggle physically big time, but never for one second did I struggle mentally or doubt what I was doing…. Not for one second.. because of one thing.
What is it you say? well think about this, are you a parent or are your parents still alive, I’m so blessed because the German half of my attitude comes from having an incredible 87 yr old mum who was born in Berlin. Well think about you as a parent or in my case my mum, would you as a parent or your mum ever let something dangerous attack you, a snarling wolf or whatever, no the parent would always without a moment’s hesitation step in front, take a bullet for you, of that you are 100% certain. You see, getting better requires you…. Not anyone else , just you to believe, to feel, to absolutely know it’s happening. That’s how you have to be, it’s never a question of “How will it?” It’s always a categorical statement of “How it will”